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turtle-steverogers · 3 years ago

Note

i was thinking but do you know the unsent project? it is this website where you can write a message to your first love that you never sent to them. now imagine steve writing one (or multiple) to bucky after he came out of the ice after nat told him about it... yeah

hello hi anon this broke me and it was too perfect not to turn into a ficlet klafjldskjfalskf thank you

Unsent Letters

To:

Steve’s fingers freeze over the keyboard, the cursor blinking at him. It feels like it’s taunting him-- teasing him with the burden of choking out a name. What should he even say? The sender is anonymous, but how many people are named Bucky out there? Would anyone even care?

To: Bu

Steve huffs and backspaces, his hands trembling as he curls them into fists. He isn’t sure what provoked Natasha to tell him about this website. It’s a cruel tease to everything he wishes he could say-- wished he could say before Bucky slipped through his fingers. And now his only option is yelling into an abyss. The text box is black and daunting. He turns it yellow. No, too happy. Green. Yes, that’s fine. Bucky’s favorite color was always green.

His gaze wanders away from the screen of his hefty Dell laptop and out the window of his apartment. DC’s low rising buildings span out in front of him. His gut aches; he misses New York already. But he knows being there would only mangle his soul further, seeing his already alien home torn to shreds by literal space whales. He huffs, thinking of Bucky’s comics. His stories came to life after all. Bucky would have probably vibrated out of his skin if he knew there was other life out there.

To: My astronaut

How’s space treating you? It’s treating me pretty badly, if I’m being honest. If only you could see what it’s done to Brooklyn. I think you’d be pretty mad at it if you knew…

Steve hesitates, reading back over what he’s typed. It’s stupid as hell, and he cringes, but he doesn’t backspace. His fingers find the keys again.

I miss you something awful. I don’t think that even encompasses how much I’m hurting without you. I feel so lost right now-- space is much bigger and scarier than you’d think. I know you’d love it. I wish you could see bits of it, but god, I just want to go home. I want you to come home.

Steve freezes again and finds the screen blurry where tears have welled in his eyes. His jaw clenches as he pictures the way Bucky would laugh at him-- teasing him for his dramatics and ruffling his hair. He wishes he could be there now, rolling his eyes and nudging Steve’s shoulder.

“What’re you upsetting yourself for?” He’d say, gently closing the laptop and coaxing Steve into his arms. “I’m right here, pal.”

And if Steve closes his eyes, he can almost feel Bucky’s warmth enveloping him. But he’s not there. He’s dead, and Steve’s a goddamn ghost, drifting through a future that doesn’t know him.

He opens his eyes and stares at the text box, then clicks submit.

The screen loads, and his message is gone, his pain forever documented in the abyss.

For someone who fought aliens two weeks after waking up from his impromptu seventy year sleep, Steve’s life is pretty monotonous. He contemplates this unfortunate fact as he stands in front of his toaster, hair sticking up on the back of his head as he nurses a mug of coffee and waits for his toast to pop.

It’s 5:45 in the morning and he tries to remember a time when he didn’t rise this early. Before the war, perhaps. Though, he’s always been a bit of an early bird. His home life was sporadic to put it lightly and he’d learned from an early age that the sooner he was awake, the better it was for everyone. Vigilance is not a new concept for Steve.

He hasn’t always stayed up late, though. That’s certainly new, and he feels this fact viscerally as he catches sight of his reflection in the microwave. There are bags under his eyes that will be gone by mid-morning thanks to the serum. Dermatologists hate him, Natasha says. Steve thinks he’s pretty lucky that the serum more or less equipped him with a built-in anti-aging agent. His father had started balding by thirty.

His toast pops and he starts a little, blinking blearily at the slightly burnt bread as he pulls it out of the toaster with his thumb and forefinger. He spreads on the same raspberry jam and butter that he uses every morning and tries not to think of how bland it tastes in his mouth as he eats it standing at the counter. Another routine.

He tries not to look at last night’s dishes in the sink as he stacks his plate and silverware on top and doesn’t bother sorting out his hair before pulling on his sneakers and slipping out of his apartment. The sun hasn’t quite risen yet, only the beginning tendrils of light sneaking over the low tops of the DC buildings, and Steve vaguely regrets not grabbing a sweatshirt before he left. It’s not quite Summer yet and the mornings could still get pretty cool.

He’s about to take off down the street when he freezes. Natasha is sitting on the steps of his complex, wearing a pair of pink tinted sunglasses and tossing up and down the keys to her car. Steve blinks, rubs his eyes, then blinks again. Nope. She’s still there.

“Nat?”

Natasha looks up at him and smiles. “Hello.”

Steve shifts, uncomfortable. “Hi. You need something? Is there a mission?”

“No,” Natasha says lightly, standing. “You’re not running this morning, though. Come on, I’m taking you to Starbucks.”

“What?”

“Starbucks. You’re going to try it.”

“I don’t want--”

“Steve, you do the same thing every day. Step out of your comfort zone a little.”

Steve frowns, but Natasha’s right-- he really doesn’t ever stray from his routine.

“Fine,” he says, and twenty minutes later, they’re strolling into the nearest Starbucks.

He’s only been in one before, and that was to use the restroom while on a run. He’d bought a water bottle in an attempt to not be rude and use their facilities without giving them any business, but he hadn’t even considered the expansive menu. All the fancy names were too daunting.

They’re just as daunting now as he stares up at the board, heart hammering out of his chest as he’s faced with indecision. Natasha takes one look at his face, and reaches out to squeeze his arm.

“I’ll order something for you,” she says. “What kind of coffee do you like?”

Steve gives her a pained look. “Um… just coffee?”

Natasha quirks a smile and orders him something called a caramel macchiato. He’ll take it, he guesses.

The drink is too damn sweet and sugary and he almost gags. Still, he was always told to finish what he was given, so he drinks the whole thing.

To: Mr. Sweet Tooth

You’d fucking love it here. Everything is packed with sugar and sweetness-- enough to make even my teeth rot. I had something called a caramel macchiato today and it tasted like someone took your ma’s caramels and condensed them into a cup. I couldn’t stand it, but I know if you were here, you’d want at least twelve. I hope you’re enjoying all the sweets you can up in space.

Love, Mr. Boring

Steve’s fingers are stiff and frozen as he works at the straps of his stealth suit. The tangy taste of saltwater still sits heavy on his tongue, and he clenches his jaw to keep his teeth from chattering too harshly as he finally peels off his suit. It’s not much better, being naked, but at least the wet fabric isn’t clinging to him anymore.

The mission had been pretty straightforward until some alien tech managed to blast the quinjet to kingdom come, and they all free-fell straight into the freezing Atlantic.

Steve had managed to keep it together as they took down the goddamn mad scientist that fucked them over, but now that he’s home and alone, he can feel the adrenaline crashing.

He’s shaking from more than just the cold as he draws himself a warm bath, and he pulls his knees up to his chest, trying to breathe through the panic that wants to engulf his entire being.

He loses time for a bit, and comes back to himself lying in his bed, burrowed under several thick layers. He feels so cold, down to his very soul-- a chill that he can never seem to truly shake, even when he’s warm.

Not for the first time, he wishes Bucky were there to hold him. He slips off to sleep thinking old, comforting thoughts of Bucky rubbing his hands between his own, coaxing his head under his chin to engulf him in that natural warmth of his. He always was a fucking furnace.

But when Steve wakes an hour later, shaking hard enough to move the bed with the force of the nightmare he’d dropped into, Bucky is not there to soothe away the ice.

To: JB

im so cold and i cant breathe ever and nothing feels right. I dont know what to do, u were always the problem solver between us and i cant think straight right now and i just want you here please. I cant do this anymore, im so tired please come back. I need you please

The Winter Soldier file sits in front of Steve-- a horrifying nightmare wrapped up in a neat brown folder. Residual nausea swirls around in his gut as he comes down from the horrible high of reading through the contents. His hands shake where they grasp the thick paper. His heart clenches hard in his chest.

Bucky is alive. Bucky is alive, and he’s been unmade.

Steve doesn’t know where he is-- if he’s escaped, or if Hydra found him again. It’s been three weeks now since the helicarriers, and he’s only just gotten the courage to sit down and wade through the shit that is Bucky’s reality.

He just hopes he’s safe. God, he hopes.

Sam says he’ll help him look, and Steve needs to know he’s at least out of danger, but he barely knows where to start.

And he’s sorry. He’s so fucking sorry.

Blinking out of his reverie, Steve looks at his laptop. He feels strange and detached as he reaches for it and logs in.

To: Bucky

And yes, that feels right. He should use his name, since he suspects no one has for a long, long time.

I’m so sorry for what happened to you. I’m sorry that you’ve been hurting so quietly for so long. I understand if you’re not ready to come home-- I understand if you never are. I just hope that you know that there will always be a place with me that is safe. I love you so much and I’m here, forever and always.

Love, Steve.

He’s not naive. He knows it would be dangerous to submit that particular message, so he doesn’t. But that’s okay. That one’s just for him-- for them.

“Steve? What is the… Unsent Project?”

Steve frowns and pokes his head out of the kitchen. Bucky is sitting on the couch in the living room, using his laptop, because his own is having storage issues.

Bucky looks at him. “It’s one of your saved tabs. What is it?”

And oh, fuck. Steve had forgotten to remove that from his homepage-- it really wasn’t needed anymore. He blushes all the way to his ears.

“Oh, it’s-- nothing. Not anything important--”

But Bucky has already clicked on the tab.

“The Unsent Project,” he reads aloud. “A collection of unsent text messages to… first… loves…”

He trails off as he processes what he’s looking at, and Steve can’t quite read his expression when he looks at him again. His eyebrows are furrowed, and he’s looking at Steve like he’s some sort of kicked puppy. Steve shifts, uncomfortable.

“Were you sending me… messages? While I was dead?”

Steve swallows. “Um…” and now that Bucky says it out loud, it really does sound quite sad. He shrugs. “It’s Natasha’s fault?”

Bucky shakes his head, clicking on the search bar. He starts to type his name, but Steve shakes his head.

“I didn’t use your name.”

“Oh,” Bucky says, then frowns at him again. “What did you use?”

Steve blushes harder, sitting next to Bucky and taking the laptop from him.

“Um…” he hesitates, then types what he was sure he used as his first alias.

My astronaut

The screen buffers and loads, then fifty or so messages pop up. Steve scrolls down-- it doesn’t take long to find his.

They’re both quiet as they read, and Steve cringes. Jeez, he really had been pretty dramatic. Next to him, Bucky makes a hurt noise.

“Oh, honey,” he murmurs, taking the laptop back from Steve. He reads the message again, then once more, and reaches out for Steve. “Aw, I’m here now.”

Steve huffs, embarrassed. “I know,” he says. “That was way back, like, three weeks after I woke up.”

Bucky stills. “You fought aliens three weeks after you woke up?”

“... More like two.”

Bucky hums. “Are there others?”

“Yeah,” Steve says, reaching out to type on Bucky’s lap, because Bucky is holding him now and he’s quite reluctant to move. He thinks for a moment, then types in the next one he remembers.

Mr. Sweet Tooth

Bucky laughs, and Steve finds himself smiling.

“I find this funny,” Bucky says. “Because caramel macchiatos are definitely one of my favorites now.”

Steve laughs, too, and butts his head against Bucky’s shoulder.

“If only I could tell that to myself back then-- he’d be thrilled.”

“I’m sure,” Bucky says. “Any more?”

Steve hesitates, thinking of the one he’d sent after that nightmare-- when he was low and hurting. Incoherent. He isn’t sure he wants Bucky to see that particular side of his soul, but Bucky has been more than generous in letting him in on his pains nowaday, and it’s not like Bucky hasn’t witnessed Steve’s own current nightmares.

He bites his lip and types in JB. That seems to yield a lot more results, and it takes a while for Steve to find the message.

He hides his face in Bucky’s neck as he reads. Bucky’s arms gradually tighten around him, and a moment later, he feels him kiss the top of his head.

“Honey, I hate that you were hurting so bad,” Bucky mutters against his hair.

Steve shrugs. “We both were,” he says, and it’s true. There’s something to be said about the guilt they both feel for not being able to save the other person at their lowest, but life hasn’t been kind to them. The vitriol, Steve thinks, should be directed at the goddamn universe for keeping them apart, not themselves for fucking dying. They’re working on it.

Bucky’s quiet for a long time. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he says. “Is that it?”

Steve shakes his head. “But I never sent the last one.”

“Why not?”

“I wrote it after DC.”

He feels Bucky squeeze him again, and he squeezes back.

“Oh.”

“I just-- I wanted you to know that you didn’t have to come home. That I just wanted you to be safe; needed to know you were safe, but it was up to you. I just needed you to know I was here, if you needed me.”

Bucky pulls back then and cups his face, kissing him soundly. Steve’s surprised for only a moment before he’s kissing back.

“I did know that,” Bucky says against his lips. “I needed time-- I was lost-- but the first thing I knew when I remembered who you were was that you were a safe person, because you’d never force me anywhere.”

Steve kisses him again, then pulls him into a hug. “I’m glad you knew that.” It’s warm, where their chests meet, and Bucky is solid beneath him. Real. He isn’t speaking into an abyss anymore.

There’s a sticky note on Bucky’s pillow next to his head when he wakes up the next morning. Steve’s side of the bed is already vacant, and he can’t hear him downstairs. He must have already left for a run.

Propping himself on an elbow, Bucky plucks up the sticky note.

To: My Bucky

Thank you for choosing me to be your home, and thank you forever, for being mine.

I love you with everything I have.

Love, your Steve

Bucky smiles, heart light as he folds the notes. He’ll keep that one with him, he thinks. A little bit of home to bring wherever he goes.

anyway yeah fslkjflaskjfls i-- ouch. anything to do with letters w these two hurts me immensely

#i did not proofread this at all so i just kNOW im going to read this back later and find a whole bunch of typos oops #stucky #stucky fic #steve rogers #bucky barnes #idiots in love #sad stevie aw

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violetnotez · 5 years ago

Text

HC: Mineta being a Pervert to the Boys S/o

@dekulover555: Hey could I request something with kamanari/bakugo/deku/kirishima when minnetas being a pervert to a fem s/o and like touching her up even after she’s asked him to stop please and thankyouxx

In which case MIneta can jump off a cliff

Pairings: Kaminari x reader | Bakugo x reader | Deku x reader | Kirishima x reader

(RULES | MASTERLIST| REQUESTS OPEN!!! :))

--------------------

Kamanari

Usually Kaminari is a pretty chill dude

Him and Mineta used to drool over girls all the time- including you

They had talked and made elaborate plans all the time to see if they could somehow get the girls to be shirtless or get to see them in their underwear- but none of their plans would ever work, they were more just like fantasies they would freak out over

When Kaminari started dating you, those talks kinda stopped- he had a girl now! He didn't need to talk about other girls- he had one he loved and cherished and who was already hot!

So Mineta had been pretty deprived of any type of NSFW talk (cause nobody else was willingly gonna deal with his horny ass)

One day, you were sparring with Bakugo in the gym, when his quirk accidentally lit your shirt on fire

You instantly shouted in surprise, ripping off your PE shirt before it could burn you

MIneta-Boob-Radar Activated

“What the hell Bakugo!” you stood there, your skin turning red from the heat so close to your skin

“Well- you should have dodged it dunce face!”

As Bakugo was red in the face trying not to make eye contact with you, Mineta literally latched onto your leg

“No wonder why Kaminari’s dating you- your chest is amazing!”

You tried shaking him off, but his grip was too strong- he started making grabbing motions towards your chest and you felt your cheeks get warm with anger

“Get off you of me little purple freak!”

Kaminari had been working with Kirishima, not noticing your dilemma until Bakugo had stomped over to tell him what was happening

Kaminari never got angry easily, but the sight of Mineta trying to crawl up your body made him erupt with rage

You were clearly uncomfortable as you tried to cover up your exposed top portion with a clingy MIneta on you

“Please! One touch, thats all!”

“Get the hell off of me Mineta!’

Kaminari ran over to you, yanking Mineta off your leg as Kirishima and Bakugo followed

your in Bakusquad if your dating Denki, its ride together or die together with this group

“What the hell are you doing dude?!” Kaminari yelled at Mineta who literally had tears in his eyes

This grape is way too damn horny oml

You instantly ran to Kaminari, hugging yourself against him- he always made you feel safe

Mineta trudged off, knowing full well he wasnt getting anything more with Bakugo and Kirishima glaring daggers at him

You hugged Denki, a soft smile gracing his face

“You okay babe?” he asked as he pulled away from you slightly, looking at your face

“Yeah, Im fine- I just need a new shirt, that’s all.”

Thats when it fully registered to him that you didnt have a shirt on- he then noticed how your slighty bare chest felt pressed against his chest, and then he looked down- and oh crap he probably almost had a boner right then and there

“I-uh-um-yeah, that’d probably be best!” he would stutter and giggle, feeling his quirk go into overdrive

“But you do kinda look nice like this though…”

“Denki I swear to god I will kick you.”

Bakugo

Does Mineta want to die?

This boy is POSSESSIVE

AN ANIMAL

You are his girl, his s/o, his lover, his EVERYTHING

If anyone touches what is his he will MURDER them

He overreacts allottt

But this anger definitely comes in handy when you needed a certain pervy grape to get away from you

During a training session, you had the unfortunate fate of being paired with Mineta

It would have been fine, if only Mineta would stop drooling all over you like you were a piece of meat

“You ready, beautiful?” he’d ask before you started your training mission

You rolled your eyes, trying to ignore his eyes practically undressing you as you walked past him

Mineta knows full damn well that by you being Bakugo’s s/o, he would get pummeled for so much as thinking such lewd thoughts about you

But he had been eyeing you for so long, and if Bakugo wasn’t around, he thought he would be okay and not die if Bakugo wasnt near you

Oh how stupid that assumption was

As you two are walking, he just stares at your ass, keeping a few paces behind to watch it as you walk

“Can you not?” you ask, disgust in your voice

“What?” he asks as if he wasnt doing anything, “Im just walking.”

You fight the urge to kick him

You just sigh, turning around- it would be a long class period being paired with him for a training exercise, but you could manage

Of course this little purple idiot begins to start staring at your rear again

Anger and dread bubbles in your stomach- could he just not be like this for one second??

You could easily pummel him into the ground- but you didnt want to waste your energy on somebody who didnt deserve to have your energy wasted on in the first place

So you continually took the anger that was caused by Mineta’s perverted staring

The icing on the cake though was when you felt a light squeeze on your rear, making you shoot around in shock

There he was, his hand in midair and this disgustingly blissful expression on his face

“Did you JUST-” you practically yelled out, rage and embarrassment making you begin to turn red

“I couldnt help it- it just looked so touchable-” he said, his hand about to touch you on your ass again

You took off in a run, Mineta making grabby hands behind you

You finally found Bakugo, who was paired with Yaomomo

“Katsuki!” you’d yell, running into his arms

He instantly noticed something was wrong- you were cuddled into his neck, giving a very pale looking Mineta a dirty look

“What the hell is going on?” he asked, his face harsh and serious

“He-he,” you gulped, the embarrasment rising, “he touch my, uh-”

Bakugo didnt need to hear anymore- he was concerned Mineta would do this, and now his fear became into reality

He internally kicked himself- he should have known Mineta would pull some pervy shit like that on you- he should have made sure you would have been okay

But that guilt quickly got overtaken by an incontrollable rage

“Did you just touch my girlfriend you fucking pervert?” he’d growl, his voice dangerously low

That meant shit was going down

Mineta gulped, his face paler than a sheet- Bakugo then grabbed him by the front of his shirt, dangling a terrified Mineta in the air

“Where?!”

“Huh?” Mineta asked in fear

“Where the hell did you touch her you idiot?!”

“Her-uh-her-butt-but-” Mineta sqeuaked out, trying to form some sort of excuse

Welp that when Bakugo saw black

You and Momo had to restrain Bakugo as he started going on a rampage, screaming all kinds of profanities

“You fuckng extra!! Im going to kill you! Shes my girl- you have no fucking right to touch her! Do that one more time and Ill blow you ass up! You hear me?! You so much as look at her and your ass will be seven feet under in your own ashes!”

Yeah- Whenever Mineta now sees you he walks the other way, and he hasnt bothered you since

Deku

Deku is very oblivious to Mineta’s harassment

Like- he can’t be that bad right???

*cough cough YES HE CAN

But if you tell him he will be the first to stomp over and give him a piece of his mind

If he sees it- oh he will be so UPSET

Mina has somehow rounded you up into one of her personal projects, in which she was creating an all girl dance

It was you, Momo, Toru, and Mina learning the choreography to a really upbeat girl group song

Tasty Carrots by Shou

You had finally learned all the choreography, now switching into outfits so Mina could put it into her social media

This girl def has a Tik Tok

Mina has put you all in little skater skirts, yours being high waisted, pleated, and reaching just barely reaching your mid thigh

Mina was squealing- “You all look so cute!!! We are TOTALLY going viral!”

Right as Mina started the music, and you began to do a few practice runs, Mineta and Kaminari walking past

Mineta had spotted you all from like a mile away

His literal wet dream- a bunch of girls dancing in little skirts

None of you notice though- you just continued with the choreography, attracting a little group on onlookers from the blaring music-including Midoriya

Mineta had pulled out his phone half way through and instantly started taking pics

At one part of the dance you have a tiny duet part with Mina where you bend down slightly

This perv instantly got right under you and took a whole ass pic

You heard a flash and look between your legs, seeing the purple idiot

You screeched, your face red as you yanked your skirt down

Mina instantly started yelling at Mineta, trying to catch the little idiot while Kaminari tried to yank his phone away from him

Izuku was filled with raged-how dare he do that to you?!? He was about to give him a piece of your mind, but seeing your embarrassed face made him think otherwise

He ran over, wrapping you into a hug

You were feeling so dumb-you didn’t even notice the little group of onlookers forming, making you feel even more embarrassed

Midoriya then sees Mineta run past, and as if on instinct grabs him by the arm

Mineta squeaks, regret riding through his body-nobody has ever seen Midoriya look this mad

Izuku yanks Mineta’s phone out of his hand, quietly searching through his camera roll

He finds the picture and hi face turns a little red because geez you do look really hot-

He quickly (and permanently) deletes it, so Mineta can’t go into his recently deleted, and hands it back to him

“Don’t you ever, EVER do that again.” The threat seemed simple but the way Midoriya voice was full of ice and his eyes on fire made Mineta’s skin turn cold

Kirishima

sorry if this one seems longer than the rest!

It was the end of the year and Yaomomo had invited everyone to her house for a big summer celebration pool party!

Of course everyone was excited- Yaomomo was rich and her house was beautiful and massive! Also she was the best hostess anyone could imagine

Mineta was excited for another reason- he couldn’t wait to see all the girls in bathing suits of their own choice, not the dumb leotard-like ones the school made them wear

Secretly hoped they were as skimpy as possible

Momo had invited all the girls the night before to a massive sleepover- you all went shopping for new suits at a beach themed boutique

Of course it was super expensive, but the owners of the shop were friends of Yaomomo’s parents and gave you all a FAT discount

Everyone was super happy with their suits- yours was all red, with a strappy red top, the bottom also matched in color and were slightly high waisted and showed off the sides of your thighs

The next morning you all spent time getting ready and helping Momo prepare to when everyone else came

Everyone started trickling in and greeting each other, getting snacks supplied by Momo and swimming or dancing to the “Top 50 Songs” playlist blasting outisde

You were in the kitchen getting some punch with Mina when Kirishima and Bakugo came in

Bakugo looked like he would rather be anywhere but there, while Kirihsima was just excited to find you and have some fun!

When Kirihsima saw you- his mouth dropped- you looked seriously stunning and he couldnt make his heart stop pounding so hard

Also your wearing red- he can try to act as chivalrous as he wants but he cant deny that red on you makes him go CRAZY inside

“Kirishima!” you yell happily when you see him, running over to give him a hug

He instantly twirls you around and tells you how pretty you look

You go outside and everyone begins to hang out, playing some games, swimming, dancing, or just plain mingling

Mineta is of course on a mission- he is just sitting in a really dark corner of the party pratically trying to memorize how all the girls look and drooling like a perv, concocting a plan in his twisted head of his

The moment he hears Uraraka yell- “Who wants to play volleyball- Boys vs Girls!” He instantly jumps up- now was time to get his plan in action

You and Kirishima join Uraraka, Izuku, Kaminari, Mina, Bakugo, and Tsuyu in the game

What you all didnt notice was Mineta, who was waiting patiently to pounce on one of the girls- he unfortunately chose you as his victim

When you wadded towards the end of the pool to try and save the ball, Mineta had reached over and pulled at one of the straps of your top, easily detangling it from your chest

You felt something loosen- and then horror rippled throughout your body

You qiuckly ducked under the water, only your eyes visible as your face was on fire

Mineta at first was cheering, your top tangled in his grubby hands, but then everyone started screaming at him, Mina throwing every threat she could think of while Uraraka tried to block you from sight and Froppy got you a towel

What really terrified Mineta was Kirishima- he was desperately trying to crawl out of the pool, all the boys trying to restrain him because he was literally going to KILL Mineta

Nobody had ever seen Kirishima that mad- even Bakugo

Mineta ran off, still holding onto your top as Tsuyu wrapped you in a towel

Kirishima ran over to you, wrapping you in a hug

“You okay? Im so sorry that happened! I’ll get your top back- I promise!”

And this boy did-of course after he calmed down- while Bakugo followed suit

As much as Bakugo hates to admit it, he does like you and you being his best friend’s girl, he protects you as much as Eijirou does

They both found where Mineta was hiding, Bakugo grabbing the little grape while Kirishima rambled on about “how unmanly that was” and how Mineta needed to “respect women and be more chivalrous”

Also may or may have not have told him that if he ever did anything like that again he wouldnt hestitate to teach him a lesson

After that little stunt, Yaomomo kicked him out of the party, all the girls breathing a sigh of relief

Kirishima came back, all the girls sitting around you and giving support-but once they saw Kiri they’d knew you’d be okay and gave you some privacy

This boy cuddled the crap out of you for the rest of the day and didnt wanna let go

------------

Requests open| Matchups closed!

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sleevesareforlosers · 3 years ago

Note

also! i know you’ve mentioned quite a few times before in posts/fics about how party and kobra really only met right before they left the city? and i’m not entirely sure if i’ve just missed it but i would LOVE for elaboration specifically on that. i just!! am super interested to know about them and their lives in the city...and how everything shakes out regarding that 👀

!!!! okay thats def one of the more obscure bits of my canon? bc in universe party and kobra dont rlly like talking about it and on a meta level city life isnt rlly something i wanna devote too much energy to writing but i HAVE thought abt it!

i covered it a little bit in this fic but some details have shifted a bit just irt kobras job/timeline bc its over (i think?) a year old and its short so. not super elaborate

so when i say that they hadnt really met before leaving the city its like. they knew each other and lived with each other but they weren't really themselves. party bc of like. reeducation and kobra bc he was really fucked up with a combination of dysphoria and city drugs both prescribed and not (which i *think* ive mentioned arent a given in the city? most people dont get medicated the same way kobra did and not all the city meds are bad)

i will say that they were pretty close before party got reeducated. as close as u can be when ur thirteen and eight at least. but ofc he got taken and came back Completely different and kobra was a smart kid and kinda realized that directly confronting him abt the change would end really badly for both of them. party was rlly susceptible to the reeducation and its not their fault in any way but they definitely would have reported kobra if he'd tried to make a move.

so then once kobra snapped and cut his hair and party snapped out of the reeducation (combination of time since getting bleached and like. still being a caring and loving person under it all and knowing that he should care abt kobra) they escaped obviously and had to do a little crash course in 'how to be siblings' bc until then they were more just. people that lived in the same house and had nothing in common to talk about so they jsut didnt. i hope that makes sense? they knew each other but they didnt Really Know each other

as for what life in the city looked like for them!

i feel like its kinda important to know that their parents were low-level workers so they grew up in the slums on the edge of the city. not the worst part of the city (the lobby) but not downtown or even a suburban area.

party (post reeducation) became a total model student and ended up in a mid/high-level admin position in hq as soon as he graduated, set to get a promotion when he turned 20 and was in the process of trying to move out to a place of his own actually. kept getting their applications rejected bc they didnt have an "approved reason" to not live w their parents (no long-term partner and not a high enough level to qualify for one of the downtown studios). wasn't necessarily getting frustrated with the company but was getting frustrated with not being able to "start his own life" in his own apartment yknow? also a bit of a superiority complex/classism thing bc of having a higher-level job than their parents, wanting to live in a nicer part of the city like the rest of their colleagues. he had a Few friends, mostly from work, but it was nothing like the crew and friends hed had pre-reeducation bc. you know. obviously. it was just a little group of polite, well trained late-teens bli drones who got up to just the right amounts of bli-approved trouble (android girls and mood synthesizers but only on saturdays type deal). um. probably the least bli-approved thing they did was give spare carbons to broken-down droids in street corners and pretend to listen to the ones preaching the graffiti bible. This is all actually a huge reason Why party is so wanted by bli, like apart from the obvious of being a killjoy and fucking up a lot of shit for the company, he was also So close to being a perfect citizen that rebelling and escaping is a real lemon-juice-in-the-papercut for bli

kobra, on the other hand, was about one and a half Minor infractions away from getting reeducated himself. bli mostly saves reeducation and bleaching for people with confirmed rebellious biases or actions, people they dont think would be trusted enough to take their pills basically. theyd get fed up after enough violations though. kobra was on watch as a nuisance, but not a rebel, so he got away with attempts at medication and therapy that were... kinda effective? but he was Really pushing it especially once he got his job in the lobby and started running with lobby kids. really just imagine an absolute menace shithead of a fourteen year old breaking every law he could get his well-manicured but grubby little hands on. i think at some point ive mentioned that half the reason kobra was so good with tech and wiring was bc he picked it up from fucking with scarecrow cars and reprogramming shit about them? yeah. im not gonna say kobra's friends were like. a bad crowd. they were just chafing against city culture in a very specific way. lots of sex, violence, vandalism, underage mood synthesizer use (and by underage i mean even below the technically-underage-but-bli-looks-the-other-way-bc-they-know-people-need-to-feel-rebellious-sometimes age that like. party and his friends started trying them at). this is when he learned how to knife fight too which definitely saved both his and party's life the first night in the zones. on top of this all is the whole trans thing which isnt something thats necessarily frowned upon in the city, but when kobra finally realized what was up he went about it in a non-city-approved way (hacking his hair off with a set of nail clippers rather than like. submitting a transition application) and that absolutely would have been the last straw for him for the city if party had reported him rather than stuffed him in their car and left.

i dont know how to tldr this one but like. they both led really different lives in the city, kobra being rebellious and breaking laws but not in a killjoy way and party being So close to being a perfect citizen as a result of getting reeducated when he was thirteen, so they weren't honest with each other until party's bleaching broke and they left the city and THATS why i say they hadnt really met until they escaped.

#danger days #tlotfk #party poison #kobra kid #venom siblings #augh! the weird intricacies of city life which i have poured a lot of thought into and have next to no motivation to actually write #my beloved #ty pi ily #ghostxraven #brainwashing ment #i suppose?#drug ment

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fandomsnfluff · 3 years ago

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10 random facts about me!

i stole this idea from aceoftrashies and i wrote most of these on my 16+ hour drive home from florida. CW FOR MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM, MENTAL ILLNESS, SUBSTANCE ABUSE, & EATING DISORDERS

im from new england and i was born there, but i did live in the south for around 7 years. im an NE baby to the core and i love being up here, as beautiful as the south can be in the summer.

im learning japanese! im around the beginner to intermediate level threshold, and while i can’t understand it very well when i listen to it, i like to listen to videos where people speak it so i can learn how it sounds.

im a music student who is majoring in viola performance and education. i also played piano when i was in 1st-2nd grade but only for a year since one of the parents at the recital took my music away and i was kinda traumatized by that so i didn’t want to go through that again. i’m kind of an intermediate level piano player right now and i’m not great at sight-reading, but if i really commit to learning a piece i can get it under my belt within a few weeks depending on how much i practice. i also enjoy singing from time to time and i have a pretty wide vocal range (spinto soprano all the way down to baritone). it’s approximately from E3-E6, but ive gone as low as an A2 and as high as an E7.

(CW START!!!) ive been dealing with a plethora of mental illnesses for most of my life, the earliest signs of anxiety and depression presenting themselves around when I was 5-6 years of age. i was formally diagnosed at 16, and through a couple more years of therapy i found out i also had ADHD (runs in my family and it’s rather severe, symptoms have been around since middle/high school so it’s strange that i didn’t decide to get it treated until this spring), dyslexia, PTSD (triggered by a car accident in 2019 and is set off by any mentions or details of vehicle trauma), body dysmorphia (set in when i was old enough to be conscious of my body and its shape which was around age 5), gender dysphoria, and i was diagnosed with an eating disorder last summer that‘s characteristic of periods of bingeing and severe intake restriction. it got better with therapy but i still struggle with it from time to time, and the symptoms have been around since elementary/middle school. i also went through a rough period in high school where i went through periods of self injurious behavior, i didn’t get the proper therapy for it though so i still have really strong urges. (CW END)

im adopted! my twin brother and i were when we were only 6 months old and we don’t have much of a memory of what it was like before or who we were around. we still have connections with the family despite it being a bit dysfunctional and kind of abusive, but my birth mother is a really kind person and someone i feel like i would be able to connect with. a bunch of physical disorders and disabilities do run though, like heart disease, diabetes, chronic bronchitis, and a shit ton of other things which sucks.

i really love driving! ive had my license for about 2 and a half years and im a very safe and observant driver (likely attributed to the fact that i got it in a state where it’s difficult to get a license anyway). i just got my first car last month which ill be sharing with my brother until we have to get a fourth car so i can take one to school my senior year of college. funny how much i love it when i have so much trauma attached to it 😅

ive traveled internationally twice, and my parents weren’t with me for either. in 2018 i flew to germany with a friend to perform at a music festival, and less than a year later in the spring i went to italy with my high school latin class.

im really into personality tests! i find the myers-briggs test to be rather interesting, but ive also studied enneagram, temperaments, and aspects of my own astrology. for example, im an ENFJ (mbti), 2w3 with a 295 tri type (enneagram), phlegmatic-sanguine (temperament), and taurus sun, capricorn rising, and taurus moon (astrology).

i like to make drinks and bake in my free time! i make a lot of coffee drinks and i can make an iced matcha latte from scratch, and i like to follow recipes for desserts and other carby snacks. i also like to make breakfast foods like eggs, omelettes, and pancakes. trust me, ya boy can make a mean cheese omelette 😉

i sometimes like to paint and draw, and with the watercolor set i use i like to use reference images. i’ve been drawing since before i could walk, and right now writing and reading are taking over as my main passion, but i had an art phase that began in my pre-teen years all the way to my mid-teen years. i still have all the skills but i don’t dabble in drawing as much as i did five or so years ago.

#noah rambles

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 4 years ago

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to tag on to that post that’s like “why am i nostalgic for my teen years??? bitch i didnt even have fun!!!!” that i’ve reblogged probably in the last few months (im too lazy to go back through my blog to find it if i have, leave me be) .... i think some of the reasons im nostalgic for my teens years are the following:

- no real responsibilities other than homework and assignments that i barely ever did from years 7-10

- i feel like time went so fucking fast (courtesy of some of my old fb memories posts in various months during 2012 and 2013) that i just wasnt prepared to be in my early teens & 20s- let alone to my mid 20s so fucking soon.

- there was a solid routine in the morning of each term- get up at 6:45am, wash my face and skin care stuff, then straighten my fringe (or sometimes all of my hair, halfheartedly), tie my hair up and have my breakfast etc etc etc. then leave for school

- despite all my jokes about being a Useless Failure Of A Human Being™️ when i left school or whatever, i did have a genuine hope underneath it all that i’d some day hopefully be successful (even if my facebook posts from year 10 to year 12 (ie 2011-2013) weren’t very good tbh).

- oh yeah NO PANDEMIC

- it was ~actually fun~ being an unabashed emo/scene kid lmao- no matter how much i cringe at 12-16yo me’s peak All Time Low Phase™️

- again time just zipped the fuck by and i was suddenly in business college and then uni and then fuck. i had a mental breakdown in postgrad bc it was too much work and pressure and fuck how do i cope. i kinda felt like i’d reached a point, like a stunted point in my emotional growth or whatever once i hit my 20s bc i went through so much stuff in the last 3 years of high school and then some other shit all before age 20 really hit.

- also like. instagram and snapchat weren’t huge so we took loads of corny unedited emo kid photos, but also did edit some of them with shitty 2008/09 nintendo dsi filters or photobucket filters for myspace. like we were actually allowed to be cringy asf and not be instagram/snapchat flawless for a bunch of followers on a constant basis. like yes my haircuts were awful and i do cringe at the stupid poses i did in some of my photos with my friends. but still. we got to have FUN.

- you could look like a fucking hot mess with your makeup. like yes there was a bit of pressure to learn proper makeup, obvs. but generally it was almost like.... like the more of a hot mess you looked, the better. because you were allowed to make mistakes with it. but thank god it wasn’t the level of the YT beauty gurus “baking their face” and whatever other irritating names they can come up with for new techniques.... and having to know exactly what the fuck that is and having to buy $75 setting spray so your face that’s full of $250 or more worth of makeup never falls off your face. i mean, come on! shine bright like a cheeto in your incredibly mismatched maybelline foundation which said it was matte, fuck damn it, but it’s making you look shiny!!!! you can use your strawberry lemonade lip smacker balm as blush to cover up the shiny bits??? but who cares??!! it’s 2000 and fucking 9 babey!!!

but now, if you don’t have an almost professional level of expertise/knowledge and lot of makeup stuff, then it’s a monstrosity. a mistake. what are you? how do you NOT know what baking is in regards to makeup? you fool! no! we don’t care if you’re 14! YOU HAVE TO KNOW CASSANDRA! YOU! HAVE! TO! KNOW! now spend 163863733 hours on youtube to revise your know how and skills, so then you do your makeup better than fredia, who doesn’t EVEN KNOW what blush is and how to apply it. i mean how embarrassing 🙄??? am i right?! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT A LIP KIT IS AND WHY YOU NEED IT??? SICKENING. DISGUSTING. YOU HEATHEN. also please spend $100 at sephora on a kylie jenner mega lip kit, boo!!! you do you!!! but if you make a mistake during applying anything in the lip kit or on the rest of your face, EVERYONE WILL KNOW!!! anyway, you get the picture.

like yeah high school did fucking suck for me like it did/does for basically everyone... but god it was much better having a sense of routine in the morning and having at least a minor glimmer of hope that i’d hopefully get somewhere eventually. but that’s all been upended completely by covid and self-isolation. my routine has been out of wack for the past month, with the pandemic rising again in victoria and also in new south wales, with restrictions resetting and stuff again in NSW and vic, like.... will i ever get a job (no matter what is is) in the fucked aussie economy?? just who the fuck knows??? uncertainty sucks.

and also i generally don’t know how to keep to schedule without some 3rd party entity like uni to help. like i miss the structure of on campus study bc i didn’t really have to set that myself, in a way, bc the uni scheduled the classes for the profs in the subjects i had. and i followed the same schedule of doing my face and hair etc every day that i went to uni. but now that’s gone as well.

#life #about me #shut up ilona

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catubarca · 5 years ago

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Harry Potter Next Generation Headcanons

im bored. im full of emotions, and am rly missing the HP world... i just want to write down my headcannons for the next gen kiddos tbh.

please remember these are just my opinions? its okay if yours are different. im just bored and want to share my thoughts,,

Teddy Lupin

his name is Theodore Remus “Teddy” Lupin. it’s just what it is

I don’t care what JKR says, to me his name will always be Theodore

i can’t do this “Edward” stuff im so sorry,,,

h u f f l e p u f f

proper school uniform? never heard of it

messy hair, messy clothes

punk rock child

we’re talking like,,,at least two (2) lip piercings ok

absolutely terrible in herbology. do not leave this child alone in a greenhouse, bad things happen

fuckin hoards chocolate

its a problem

dating Victorie Weasley

random bursts of dancing

keeps a lock of hair pink for his mother

lives with the Potters, enjoys pretending to be Ginny to ground his siblings

“Lily, why aren’t you coming out of your room? Dinner’s ready?” “You said I’m grounded! You tell me!” “What? Oh, for the- THEODORE REMUS LUPIN-“

s m i r k s

effortlessly cool,,, but so so dorky,,, in a cool way

Victorie Weasley

ravenclaw!

looks a lot like her mother, Fleur, but inherited those Weasley freckles

a little confused a lot of the time

absolute sweet tooth (teddy abuses this fact a lot)

Mom Friend™

will help you with your homework

always got a book on her

super beautiful and like,,,, the absolute nicest person,,, but

cannot dance

like at all

adores Charms class

a softie you don’t want to cross

“I’m the oldest”

Dominique Weasley

inherited the Classic Weasley Red Hair™

idolises her Uncle Charlie

“I wanna save animals and work with cool dragons, just like Uncle Charlie does!”

Bill almost has a heart attack

always bringing stray animals home

(“is that a lizard in your pocket, Dominique?” “Yes! His name is Blob.” “You know how your father’s afraid of reptiles, sweetheart, you can’t bring it inside.”)

Gryffindor child

favourite class is definitely Care of Magical Creatures, she and Hagrid like to talk about proper care methods for rare creatures

perpetual dirt stains

BIG middle child vibes

doesn’t really label her sexuality… just kinda does what she wants rly

all the pets in Hogwarts love her

rumours are she’s got an innate, natural magical ability to make them all love her

(she feeds them under the table)

it’s a mystery

big advocate for animal rights

f e m i n i s t

willing to throw hands at all times

usually all smiles though

one of those people who use their whole bodies to laugh

kind of an accidental heartthrob

romcoms

Louis Weasley

looks the most like his mother

ravenclaw

absolutely filled with curiosity. always reading or talking or learning

random facts

(how do you even find that sort of information?

you don’t want to know)

coffee boy

sort of musically talented?

he and James Sirius preach the importance of skincare to all who will listen

secretly full of sass and dry wit

vry graceful and fluid

e y e r o l l

awkward smiles? can never smile properly in photos

on the ravenclaw quidditch team

Ravenclaw Prefect

(“You might be older, but I’m taller.” “Fuck off!”)

only watches High Quality™ tv shows/media

kind of a disaster, despite the gracefulness

Molly Weasley

Classic red hair

comes across as a bit uptight, like her father

I don’t care what you think. (She really cares what you think.)

E y e b r o w s

death glares

drinks like 5 cups of coffee in the morning

studies,,, like a lot

definitely a Gryffindor though

mom jeans

always ready to debate a topic. will destroy opponents.

has been trying to start a successful Debate Club for like 4 years now

naturally falls into the position of a group leader

would be a teacher’s pet, if she wasn’t ready At All Times™ to debate the relevancy of the course syllabus or outdated teaching methods

got into a fight with Severus Snape’s portrait in Headmistress McGonagall’s office.

(Dumbledore’s portrait was laughing, until she turned and ragged on him for a bit. Minerva thought it was absolutely hilarious, so she just let Molly go at it for a while).

full of rage towards everything, but wears a very careful mask of aloofness

to calm down, she likes painting her nails

she’s very good at it

she’s also very good at painting and art in general, weirdly enough

Lucy Weasley

G R Y F F I N D O R

adores shitty puns and has a terrible sense of humour

brown hair, not red

loves to prank people, which makes her Uncle George very proud

Percy complains about her behaviour, but makes sure he knows he’s proud too

(charming all the cauldrons in the potions classroom to scream whenever they’re stirred takes a more complex understanding of spell work than one would expect).

a pit of a punk streak

rly loves hip hop

high key drama queen

does she ever stop yelling? we’re yet to find out

average grades in terms of theory, but she’s the best in terms of applying information

especially for her pranks

has allies throughout the castle, from the portraits to the students

the bigger the prank, the better

but is a firm believer in “confuse, don’t abuse”

all her pranks are mostly harmless

is a surprising lover of older literature, like Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, an influence of her sister

a bit rebellious

Fred Weasley II

name isn’t officially “the second”, but it sounds cooler

James Potter, Lucy Weasley, Molly Weasley and Fred Weasley are like the Marauders 2.0

says “squad” and “lit” unironically

niche humour

hipster vibes

avid music lover

smiley sunshine child

takes after his mother the most in looks, just like his sister

a chill type of gryffindor

plays quidditch, and is an excellent chaser, just like his mother

the absolute undisputed King™ of puppy-dog eyes

just,,,, beautiful

the True teacher’s pet

hands in his work on time,, asks lots of questions,,, likes helping students understand their work,, what a boy

can hella nyoom

runs so fast

look at him go

as you might expect, loves a good prank. always down for a laugh

Roxanne Weasley

Gryffindor and pROUD

absolute Queen tbh

was definitely Head Prefect or Gryffindor Prefect at some point

loved by the school

absolute legend

G I R L P O W E R

infectious laughter

has a soft spot for Louis Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy

these poor disaster children,,,, they need a Mother

M O M

big mom vibes

mothers the hell out of all the first years

a feminist through and through

can be found nodding aggressively to Molly Weasley’s semi-deranged, furious ranting

YAAAASS

loves slang. uses so much slang. always up to date with trends and memes

has all the gossip

becomes a mess around pretty girls

absolute blushing, stuttering disaster around cute girls oh my god

her eye make-up game is killer

sparkly

Distinguished Lesbian

Rosie Weasley

did someone say Weasley™?

red hair and freckles and curls oh my

on the autism spectrum, has trouble socialising sometimes

hella passionate about stuff

hangs out with Scorpius and Albus, the Golden Trio 2.0

f em ini st

her jokes are the best. high quality sense of humour.

Ravenclaw

likes to read. it’s quiet in the school library, which is nice.

abysmal at herbology

surprisingly good at Care of Magical Creatures though? Animals are just,,, so much easier to deal with

overall, really good grades though

bit of a silent type, but she’s actually a riot to hang out with

actually pretty good at quidditch? She’s not on the team, and she’s not super interested in playing, but?? She’s not bad??

She can land a solid hit with a beater’s bat

(eyes you judgementally over the top of a book)

dry wit humour

will throw hands over chess

Hugo Weasley

hufflepuff

unbeatable at chess, like his dad

a lost puppy

someone please help this child

softie

kind of low-key emotional

so supportive!! and loyal!! high-key best friend material

foodie. loves food. please feed him.

takes a bit more after his dad appearance wise

loves to cook. spends lots of time with grandma Molly and his dad in the kitchen

Professor Longbottom is his favourite professor, because he’s more chilled and laidback.

other professors and classes fill him with Distress™

loves astronomy too

maths whizz, so good at arithmancy

(“uh, actually-“)

a little bossy, like his mother

is trying so hard

maybe a little too hard

a bit insecure and nervous, but so soft

please treat this child carefully and with love

James Sirius Potter

Gryffindor

L O U D

a fucking disaster child

what’d you expect, putting “James” and “Sirius” together?

DRAMATIC GASPING

flails his hands around when he talks

s t r u t s

bisexual mess, had a crush on both the Longbottom children at some point

is better than you at everything

including being a different gender

fuck you that’s why

so pretty

he’s so pretty

is thIS CHILD EVER NOT LAUGHING AT SOMETHING OH My god

laughs at everything

all the time

always

high-key emotional

badly timed finger guns

looks like a model in photos? wtf?

gets invited to Girls Nights™

wears nail polish and makeup

loves to yell at people about gender roles and defying stereotypes

TEA SIS

not on the quidditch team surprisingly enough, even though he’s pretty good

prefers to be in the stands, doing A+ commentary on the games

if he can get Fred to stop mid-air due to unbearable, suffocating laughter at least once a game it’s a win in his books

has it OUT for the hufflepuff quidditch team and no one knows why??

definitely makes puns on his name

it drives everyone insane

harry always replies he’s just making his namesake proud

that also drives everyone insane

smug lil shit

Albus Severus Potter

“It’s just Al.”

S L Y T H E R I N

will always find a way to get what he wants, eventually

“dad, why did you name me this way?”

unimpressed

sigh

hella smart. is topping at least five classes

Aunt Hermione is his favourite. She’s the fucking Mistress of Magic! All that power, the ability to make change and improve the Magical World as a whole-

sass master

the reason headmistress mcgonagall keeps a bottle of scotch under her desk at all times

the only potter child to inherit The Eyes™

absolute insomniac

kind of emo, but turns into a fucking softie around Scorpius Malfoy it’s hilarious

adverse to violence. prefers a verbal beatdown method

really tall? despite having shorties for parents??? no one saw it coming

(especially not Teddy. He’s always scared of losing his last few inches of height)

Functional Gay

he’s on the slytherin quidditch team, as a seeker

Lily Luna Potter

Gryffindor

FEMINIST

do not mess with lily luna potter

she may seem cute and sweet, but she will destroy you

inherited her father’s black hair

disaster lesbian

transfiguration is her favourite subject, by far

has no idea what she wants to do with the rest of her life.

Existential Crisis Father-Daughter Bonding Time™

do you ever sleep?

takes after Ginny the most in personality

also, kind of the most like James Fleamont Potter in personality, too?

Loves to help her brother out with pranks, laughs at him when he gets caught and she gets away with it

The only one of the Potter Children who hasn’t got into a fight with Severus Snape’s portrait

because she just ignores him instead

loves talking to the portraits around the castle

Super good at Quidditch, is on the team as a Chaser

Quidditch Captain at some point

adores Hagrid, but who out of the Potter children doesn’t?

Idolises Minerva McGonagall

just as oblivious as her father

Scorpius Malfoy

Actually in Ravenclaw, not Slytherin, much to many people’s surprise

abSOLUTE DADDY’S BOY

super close with his dad

Draco is just so supportive of like everything he does (unlike his father)

classic blonde malfoy looks

actually really funny?

a cuddler. loves hugs. always leeching warmth off of someone

he and Rosie sometimes finger-tip-touch which is their version of a hug, because he know’s she’s not super comfortable with touch

was basically adopted by the Weasley’s and Potter’s

James Sirius will murder for this child

booknerd, always rambling to Al and Rosie about new books coming out he’s interested in reading.

has had a crush on Albus Potter since like 1st year

always worried about making his dad proud, and keeping up the Malfoy name

sweet tooth

he’s just,, soft. just a warm, happy child. he wants love, and affection. someone tell him he’s doing okay, please.

needs,,, validation,,,

he’ll tell you out loud that he has no favourite aunts or uncles, but he secretly really likes spending time with his Uncle Ron

they had a talk, once, in like the middle of the night at a sleepover with Rosie and Al, about feeling insecure in comparison to others, and learning to be proud of yourself for your achievements

there were a few tears, but it was nice

Ron was actually the third person he told, besides his dad and Rosie, about having a crush on Al

openly a disaster romantic. trash taste in romance novels.

always welcome in the Potter-Weasley households

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dumbdancemomssideblog · 5 years ago

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S1E1: The Competition Begins

okie dokie first ever episode of dance moms rewatch starts now :0 i actually remember watching this the very first time it aired on lifetime because i was channel surfing and saw a commercial for it earlier that day. that was the summer between 8th and 9th grade. ah memories... i didnt know what to expect because i did dance when i was a kid but not on a competition team and it was mostly ballet so i was pretty unfamiliar with this whole world.

anyway lets begin. this is probably gonna be a longer post than what i’ll end up writing for the other episodes in season 1 bc the first episode introduces so much info, just a heads up

Act 1: (aside: yes its insufferable to divide this into “acts” when its really just like “segments separated by commercial breaks” but thats how they’re called in actual tv scripts so im just going with that cuz i cant think of a better/easier way uwu)

god this is so fucking early 2010s lmao

i miss these days where they were just talented nobodies from pittsburgh on a low budget reality tv show that nobody even knew would be successful. and the bad hair and makeup but idk if that was also just a 2011 thing lol

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES GREEN SCREEN INTROS IM DYING

the chalkboard !!!! they werent doing the pyramid on the mirror yet

(apparently abby never did anything similar to the pyramid thing but the producers made her and it became a whole Thing on the show and thats why the moms were like wtf is this bullshit the first week)

mackenzie looks like a toddler. chloe is so tiny. theyre the 2 who changed the most physically over the course of the show

i remember watching this for the first time being used to ballet lyrical and jazz but never having done or really seen acro/gymnastics in dance choreo and being SO flabbergasted. i was thinking “a chin stand is not dancing what the actual hell” and yknow what? i was right

melissa: “my boyfriend knows how much i spend on dance because he signs the checks...............hermehhemrherrmehermh” (the most awkward laugh omg)

maddie is wearing a fucking bumpit in her hair i cannot

melissa deadass just said out loud “im here for my daughter im not here to make friends” ok everybody mark that one off on your catty women’s reality tv show bingo card!

camera man accidentally getting in the shot filming right in front of the huge wall-mirror.... what is this, amateur hour? i’ll let it slide since its the first day of filming rehearsal but step it up, boys

aw i forgot about maddie getting sick and crying :/ poor kid

melissa saying “i cant stand a chid that’s sick” sounds so edited like the intonation made it seem to me like they just cut her off mid-sentence i love lifetime

oh this was still when they were wearing normal stuff to class/rehearsal like black leotards bc they werent getting sent a trillion crazy 2-piece dancewear outfits for free yet bc they werent famous, man those were the days

Act 2:

[obligatory b-roll footage of downtown pittsburgh]

the maddie chloe paige trio !!!! this is making me feel so nostalgic

“knees together, paige. you’re bow-legged, you need to fix that”

“you’re tall, you’re skinny, you’re a beautiful girl, you can do better than this. FOCUS” shes like 10 abby what the hell

“people think im tough and i guess i am but i would rather be the one to make your kid cry in the privacy of my studio than at an open-call audition in front of hundreds of people”

okay unpopular opinion alert: i agree with a lot of what abby says about stuff like this but her delivery is flawed, to but it euphemistically, that being said i think the production team of the show and the fame inflating her ego changed all of this somewhere over the course of the second season and its really sad to see :/ i can expand on that thought later tho

aw paige crying bc abby correcting her (but not saying anything personal or out of line, just technique corrections (at based on what we were shown, we dont know everything she said oop)) shes a sensitive kid she never should have been put on this show :(

paige looks exactly like her mom i didnt realize that before

nia and holly were done so dirty throughout the whole series in terms of the narrative the producers set up about nia being the weakest link :/

Act 3:

cathy’s entire involvement in the show from the very beginning was so painfully obviously scripted (or at least heavily staged)

vivi was also done dirty by the show’s narrative and she was only 6 and they presented her as like the butt of the joke bc her mom’s “character” was crazy and also she wasnt good at dance. i wonder how she feels about the show now that shes a teenager hmm. she really seemed not to give a fuck about dance for better or for worse when she was a kid tho so maybe she doesnt care ?

in what universe would an owner of another competitive dance studio bring her own kid to another studio more than an hour’s drive away, AND be under the impression that she could compete with them in a week, especially when they showed the kids’ and moms’ shocked reaction at the start of the episode to having to learn a dance in a week and compete it? like really what is the point of cathy and vivi being a part of this show im so ????

Act 4:

THE MINISTER DAWN OUTBURST HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS

this fight is about 50% of what got them a full season 1 and then things took off from there tbh. the other 50% was the electricity dance but thats a point for next episode..... :)

“you’re a minister act like one” “YOU’RE RIGHT I AM A MINISTER! LET’S PLAY THE BIBLE GAME ABBY, WHEN JESUS SAW THINGS THAT WERE WRONG HE WENT AFTER THEM, AND YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO THIS TO MY KID” ma’am i think the wrongs jesus addressed were of slightly more importance than a preteen being told she cant take a dance class if shes violating the studio’s dress code

this is so good bc it wasnt staged afaik and there are regular students all throughout the building just STARING at them like lmao what even is going on, so im pretty sure this is real???

regardless, yeah dont wear socks and a tshirt to an acrobatics class, thats common fucking sense

another cameraman-in-mirror sighting, but its hard to think about angles when filming spontaneous drama like this, so i wont count it against them

“you called me fat” (i remember that being in the episode but thats not on the episode available through lifetime on demand that im watching from my moms tv hmmmmmm) “i told you to close and tuck in your two-piece costume, theres a big difference. HOW CAN YOU REMEMBER THAT BUT YOU CAN’T REMEMBER TO TURN YOUR FEET OUT” uh scream

she really called the police on this woman i cannot handle this. can you imagine being a police officer responding to this call?

“we have a parent thats out of control. pardon? no shes doesnt have weapons, just her mouth” iconic

im sorry im still not over the hair and makeup. the flat hair with the side bangs. the black pencil eyeliner applied all the way around the eye. why did any of us think this was a look :( why did we do this :(

Act 5:

they went all the way to phoenix to compete 3 numbers, only 2 of which are shown in the episode.

i think this is the only time they ever went to west coast dance explosion because its an actual competition and they wouldnt allow filming after this lol i think they did go to wcde one weekend in addition to a competition where they were filming but it wasnt shown or mentioned at all

abby not wanting brooke and paige to have a french manicure on stage if theyre the only ones in the group with the french tips is perfectly valid idk why it was framed as some crazy micromanaging shit

i also am really not a fan of the whole “high functioning alcoholic wine mom/crazy stage mom” schtick they were pushing for the first few episodes of this show

in retrospect i feel like so many of the quips in this episode were intentionally fucking crazy just to get the audience engaged enough to want to watch more episodes...

“see those girls down there, those girls with the legs? thats who you’re up against, so step it up”

abby warning them that its dangerous for their little party hats to slip when they’re doing aerials and pirouettes and stuff: “what if you were at radio city music hall and they had the ice rink out and you were doing a side aerial and fell 13 stories down and died, huh?” fantastic point abby thank you for saying that to 5 girls ages 8-12 less than 5 minutes before they went on stage. perfect time for a teaching moment like that :)

i forgot how bad the camera work was in the first few episodes for footage of their performances. like they really didnt think the show’s audience would actually want to watch the kids dance, the producers and editors thought we just wanted to see stage mothers yelling at each other lol

also the mic feed over the music of abby talking to herself giving them corrections while watching them dance on stage.... im so glad they quit doing that. i dont remember them doing it like that for any other episode, i hope im right

this choreo is very basic and its a cute dance i guess but its very cringe in some places and for the first episode this is such a forgettable group routine

their scandalized reaction to placing third and the sad piano music is so funny honestly

and maddies reaction in the interview which was almost definitely fed to her by the producers where shes like “i win all the time i dont really know what its like to LOSE i always win or get runner up” so many of maddies lines from season 1 interviews sound so fake and she was probably too naive to know they were getting her to say that stuff so they could paint her as a conceited brat (she was EIGHT)

the trio costume was so ugly im sorry (is it supposed to be like a 50s pinup bathing suit?) (and the headband thing looks so bad) and also the music is bad but they had no real authority over that bc of copyright stuff

chloe’s headpiece coming forward and the ensuing drama was another moment in the episode that really solidified public interest in the show imho....

“YOU’RE IN THE BAR HAVING A DRINK AND YOUR KID’S HEADPIECE IS FALLING OFF” “it did not FALL OFF it CAME FORWARD it was FINE!!!”

“mistakes happen, we’re human.” “YOU are. mistakes like that dont happen to me”

and then the “next time on dance moms” with the WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE electricity dance, of course. genuinely that was really smart of the producers in terms of structuring things to generate intrigue lol. and obviously it ended up working....

#dance moms #s1e1 #season 1

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lavenderek · 4 years ago

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hi guys julie and i were talking about potential star wars stories that aren’t a part of this whole skywalker destiny shit all the canon movies can’t seem to let go of

and julie’s idea surrounded lesbians and a very heavy presence of Life Day because she hates me and wants me to be unhappy

my idea does not have life day in it because i have a soul. this was my idea that i pitched to her while i did my laundry and i dont think she was very impressed but i am impressed with myself.

so our main character is kristen stewart but purple. like her skin is a dusty sort of pastel lavender. but don’t let that fool you into thinking she is delicate - she is Indiana Jones But Backwards And In Space. her hair is like leonardo dicaprio’s in titanic, but wavy.

her name is Gax McKu and she is an archaeologist. she is the protag of a series. her whole thing is that she likes to discover and learn about ancient cultures and artifacts, but she fuckin hates museums. and if another archaeologist is sponsored by someone who instructs them to bring the artifact to a private collection or a museum, she tracks it down and steals it and puts it back where it is supposed to be. so it’s sometimes indiana jones and sometimes ocean’s 11, because she has to do a heist to get the thing back.

it’s just that other cultures and societies are lateral moves from gax’s own, neither superior nor inferior, and if somebody took some shit from her home planet she’d be peeved. besides, if we “discover” all the shit and take it away, there will eventually be nothing left for future scientists and historians to “discover.”

anyway, i digress.

this all takes place well before the prequels.

ACT I

we find our protagonist at a dig site, and she has unearthed something totally baller like the fossilized bones of a gigantic space condor or like a prehistoric buried treasure or something, and she’s just like crouching and dusting it carefully, looking very shrewd and sexy. she’s probably got like colleagues also dusting shit and one of them brings her a rock and they talk about the rock. idk.

this planet is like a mixture of how white people see africa, and australia. like some parts are a desert and some parts are a jungle kind of moment with lots of alien creatures.

the people whose home planet this is, is - you remember in return of the jedi when there is a keyboardist who looks like a big soft elephant puppet?

it’s those guys.

so they come up to gax at the dig site and interrupt her work, and she is very debonair about how she stands up and brushes her hands off to speak with them. they’re mad and they’re pointing at her and stuff. she understands their language and speaks to them in english like han does. she’s like “i don’t know what you’re talking about. we are here for this excavation only.”

they take her to one of their cities in a vehicle that’s like a wide flat oval thing with a single wheel underneath in the very center. roads are on faintly glowing tracks. this isn’t an extremely urban type of city, there is a lot of greenery and the buildings are etched adobe clay. they are well maintained. this is a people who take care of their community and have a lot of dignity.

she is brought to what we would assume is a beautiful chapel or church or something, with lots of colors painted in a very small geometric tessellation, but gax isn’t shocked or moved by this so we can assume she is familiar with these cities and culture.

inside there is a vast collection of like beautiful stoneware, like marble and opal and granite and shit. lovely. but the biggest pedestal is empty. they glare at her and say stuff to her. she’s very gruffly like, “why would i take your moonstone sphere? i already catalogued this, check with jan bourno.”

they insist and so she has to travel to another city, with a nervous friend who is john cho but he’s got a computer head like that computer head guy in cloud city.

don’t tell me who this guy is or correct me that it’s just a thing he wears like google glass, because i don’t care. it’s a computer head and im the boss.

john cho’s name is Flienn and he’s got a devastatingly handsome beard.

they go to the other city because she’s got to investigate who took the thing. then she finds who took the thing and it’s a white guy, obviously. she fights him. gax has this cool laser knife that uses the same tech as a light saber but it doesn’t buzz as loud or glow as bright, which means she wears it in a holster on her belt, because she’s impossibly hot. flienn is held back by henchmen. he’s very damsel in distress. but gax wins and gets the bad guy to tell her who hired him.

he was paid to get this thing because it is expensive and the rich guy collects rich stuff. he communicated through envoy and all he has is a name and a planet. the rich guy’s name is pelius bragnar. he’s scary. flienn checks on his computer head and tells gax that all records of bragnar have been wiped from any kind of system.

ACT II

they fly to pelius bragnar’s planet, and it’s a forest planet but it’s not like the endor moon, it’s just a very vertical, tree-based city with a lot of stone paths and structures based around the trees. this place is very urban, with a huge class gap. it is heavily policed and obviously corrupt. she meets an old colleague who is now a prosecutor. she is played by gabourey sidibe. her name is Graunda. she calls gax Sabine, and it turns out gax isn’t her birth name, which flienn did not know but gax makes it clear he’s not allowed to call her sabine.

graunda is like, “yeah i know pelius bragnar, i was trying to shut down his gang that operates a drug ring and has the police force in his pocket, and so to control me they kidnapped my little sister. i can tell you where their gang does most of its operations on this planet if you promise to save my sister.”

gax is like, “i don’t know what about my chosen profession indicated to you i was some kind of rescuer of sisters.”

“ok, i’ve known you for like fifteen years and it’s not like you don’t have a history of vigilantism,” says graunda, “but go off i guess.”

flienn is all, “the sphere probably isn’t being kept where they do their gang business, but this is all we have to go on.” flienn’s whole job in the narrative is to be stressed and point out the obvious in case the viewers are kathy and don’t get it. he mapquests the way there with his computer head and they have to devise a carefully designed plan to get in, this is the ocean’s 11 part.

gax is expecting graunda’s sister to be like some 19-year-old and is not expecting her to be the pinnacle of beauty and femininity. she’s in her mid 30s and has big hips and perfect dark skin and almond eyes with like orange eyeshadow. she looks like a monster high doll if monster high dolls were fat and shaped like real people. her hair’s in twists that she’s got all along the crown of her head like a tiara, and then the rest of her hair is in these two low buns on the back of her head and they’re really big and round. they are wrapped in a golden thread. like my point is she’s a total babe and there is a fuckload of sexual tension.

her name is Lamaa. not like llama, the accent is on the second syllable.

they find her like locked in some kind of interrogation room. flienn cracks the code to the door. lamaa’s obviously been roughed up a little bit, and is tired.

lamaa is super upset when gax tells her they can’t leave yet. gax is like, “sorry to add to what has probably been a shitty week for you, but what i came here for is a moonstone sphere.” maybe she goes over the history of the object a little bit. idk.

they spy on somebody who somehow reveals where pelius lives, and there is a gala there next week. they aren’t expecting the tech in this room to have spyware that detects flienn’s computer head the way your work computer knows when you’re trying to plug your phone into the usb port to charge. they have to escape. lamaa is super smart but only ok with weapons and doesn’t have a lot of upper body strength so there’s a lot of sexy peril.

they escape by the skin of their teeth and are now wanted by the corrupt police. they have to hide out in like the tree planet equivalent of a shitty motel and there is a hot love scene between gax and lamaa obviously, like, duh. it’s very steamy and people will be jerking off to it for eight hundred years.

flienn is bi. he doesn’t have a love interest in this installment, im just putting it out there.

ACT III

they go in disguise to the gala, which means they have to dress in formal wear, which is also extremely sexy. lamaa wears a silky backless gown and her hair is coiled in a rope braid beehive. gax wears a formal vest and her hair in a slight bouffant. flienn wears a traditional fancy costume that involves sheer fabric wrapped around him and covering part of his head. he is not religious and doesn’t usually dress this way, but he has to hide his computer head. also he’s wearing eyeliner because why don’t more dudes wear eyeliner? it’s not even because he’s bi. lots of dudes wear eyeliner where he is from.

they sneak around and find the sphere. i guess this is ocean’s 13, when matt damon has to seduce his way into the diamonds room. they get caught in there and are all held prisoner. gax and lamaa argue but it’s obviously just because lamaa is very scared of pelius, which makes flienn even more scared of pelius, which puts gax in a bad mood. she doesn’t really get scared until the physical danger begins.

the physical danger begins. pelius comes in, The pelius. he is a twi’lek. he does a lot of sinister taunting and gax is mad because she’s nervous.

lamaa escapes the ropes she is tied up with somehow and is able to get gax’s laser knife to her and they have to fight pelius’s henchmen, and they steal the sphere, and while she’s there anyway lamaa steals all his fancy gold and jewels and sticks them in her cleavage. they climb to the roof and use flienn’s drapes of fabric to zipline down some like fuckin ropes strung along all the treehouses and escape. pelius is like curse you gax mcku, i would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling adults!! and your little computer head too!!! he is left as a future antagonist.

lamaa is obviously a target now on the tree planet, so she goes back to the elephant puppet planet with gax. there’s another love scene but gax finds all the jewels and shit in lamaa’s bra. she’s like, “you can’t keep these.”

lamaa is like, “i figured, i just didn’t want him to have them. i don’t know where these go.”

so future stories will probably involve them trying to put those things back while also being chased by pelius and his drug lords.

they all return to the dig, and now lamaa is wearing archaeologist clothes like gax, and her hair is pulled to the back of her head with a fancy barrette. gax is once again interrupted, but this time it’s by the guy who stole the sphere in the first place. he’s like, “pelius is going to kill me for giving up who hired me, and it’s your fault.”

gax is like, “you’re an embarrassment to the science of archaeology. you’ve gone against the very tenets of our profession and i don’t care what happens to you.”

this obviously makes him feel shitty, but rather than internalizing it he just hates her guts. he leaves, and she goes back to the dig and doesn’t watch him go. but he glares with contempt over his shoulder, because he will also be an antagonist in future installments.

and that guy’s name?

SHEEV PALPATINE.

i’m just kidding, these are all new characters, his name is like george or something.

the end.

give me money.

#YES i named kstews character after the character she plays in the totinos sketch YES im a girl #space fights #thing by betp #gax mcku

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bbygrvr · 5 years ago

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⌠ DEV PATEL, 32, MALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, BOBBY GROVER! originally hailing from BLACKTHORNE, this alum specializes in DRIVER’S ED. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (a selfie with a no loitering sign, days old take-out, the crash of shattered glass). it’s the (aries)’s birthday on 06/04/1998, and when they were still in school their most requested dish was RIBEYE STEAK from the school’s chefs. hopefully their presence can help ease the minds of gallagher students. ⌿ tasha, 22, she/her, best ⍀ <- just realized i put best instead of est i swear that wasn’t intentional pls don’t think im up my own ass dfhjg

guess who did a complete 180 n was like .. haha .. what if .. i bring an alum .. a character that i’ve used before in a gang rp dfjhg who was a .. Getaway Driver . and the non-commitment of it was v appealing to me at 4am ! all the good stuff under the read more .. n just the tiniest of plugs .. during my 4am journey i also finally got around to writing luce’s bio . 4 everyone who wanted a powerpoint of all her exes , this ones for u its a doozy xo lov a gorl who is defined by men :))) tw: drug addiction, car crash, murder (FOR BOBBY DFJH) + HIS PINTEREST bc it’s probably my favourite one

BACKSTORY

i am obsessed with the trope that danger breeds from boredom in suburbia but to make it even spicier , why not combine it with someone who might be a literal sociopath ? born in grosse pointe shores , one of the most affluent suburbs in detroit .

was born robert, but that’s a boring name for a boring man, something he is anything but . he’s a third generation american, and grew up in the typical white picket fence neighbourhood , though his family is extremely wealthy from investing in fossil fuels . however , they live modestly which has always been a major gripe with bobby .

he’s been a problem child for as long as he can remember , sneaking into r-rated movies before he was a teen , and he could’ve been a hipster artist with the amount of weed he smoked and bullshit he spewed . however , he excelled in school , his parents unworried as he placed at the top of his class , and only comment from teachers was that he talked too much .

at sixteen he gets his driver license , and soon enough pavements are tracked with tire marks and he’s running reds and hiding the ticket notices from his parents . street racing’s his jam , there’s white powder on the tip of his nose . he’s also the unofficial bookie for an underground fight club ... spending most of his time in the city which is only a twenty minute drive .

his parents start to pay attention , he thinks , finally those dumb fucks . they send him to therapy . therapists are obsessed with roots of trauma and thinking processes . but he’s not angry and he’s never faced any tragedy . what a waste of time , he thinks , but they prescribe him some pretty dope pills .

he wreaks havoc on his parents while rousing suspicion of blackthorne recruiters . under the guise of school recruiters they tell his parents of a private boarding school for gifted young students . they enrol him immediately . he’s planning to escape the first chance he gets , but falls in love before he can . not with anyone , but the school . this place is fucking epic . he keeps using but he’s extremely high functioning .

he’s never killed anyone before , and no one’s wronged him to the point of deserving death , so he goes big ‘cos he sure as hell isn’t going home and kills the ceo of chevron , a multibillion dollar oil company , because nothing has wronged him like climate change has . it’s easy enough , under the right tutelage , but he still pukes after .

his spy career lasts for seven blissful years , but his addiction comes to a boil when he crashes at 120 mph into a brick wall after believing that his car could go through it . to this day , he still believes that the coke he had snorted previously was laced with something . a fellow spy in the passenger seat dies .

blackthorne pulls him out and locks him up , very trainspotting scene except he’s locked up for a year , it’s possibly the worst experience of his life , and still shudders at the memories of withdrawing . they tell him that if they ever find out he’s using again they’ll kill him , no questions asked . then , they allow him to go to a proper rehab facility .

he’s now been sober for three years , and has the chip to prove it .

PERSONALITY

extremely outspoken to the point of rudeness , crass too . always makes every conversation an attempt to provoke for the shits and giggles of it .

pretty hyperaware of everything that’s going on even if it doesn’t seem like it . he’ll like , swat a fly out of nowhere mid-conversation then hold up his palm to whoever’s talking to him to show the fly gut’s on his hand .

self-indulgent , doesn’t have much of a moral compass , goes where the fun is .

super pumped about being an alum to the students , he has made lesson plans .

TRIVIA

would have gone to school for film , even though he could have been able to apply for anything and get in . obsessed with body horror ( cronenberg’s his hero ) and german expressionism .

his last name comes from the original surname of guruvara/gorovare which is a sanskrit word for teacher/mentor so maybe he was destined for this ... king shit .

hasn’t talked to his parents since he was sixteen despite them reaching out multiple times , he hates them for some , inexplicable reason .

from like eighteen to when he got sober .. how do i say this .. his dick .. was not performing as if should have DHJG ?? that just gives u the impression as to how many drugs he was taking at the time .

CONNECTIONS

calling all driver’s eds kids ! just hit me up , because he probably has a detailed plan on how to mentor you .

any other kids who have no experience with driving , but want to learn !

his death count’s low , but any sort of connection to the person he who died in his car when he was off his ass .

alternatively , any blackthorne kids who’ve heard the rumours that he killed the ceo of the oil company , stroke his ego !

he was truly working overtime those seven years he was a spy so any other alum , maybe they worked a job together !

#gallagher:intro #my student chara who i've been thinking on for a month watching this clownery happen instead : 👁️👄👁️

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ithisatanytime · 3 years ago

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You know it has to be said, i reached out to skye because i felt like i was losing my mind, but not in the “im so stressed out” kind of way, because i literally lost my fucking mind for three months, bouts of complete psychosis, mania, absolutely lost touch with reality. it was the scariest most surreal experience of my life, and i have nothing to compare it to, and i cant even really talk about it because no one really has a frame of reference for this kind of shit, not even me. she was the only one who called back, i reached out to a lot of people, and nothing. even though we hadnt spoken for ten years, and back then the kind of shit we were putting each other through is just unbelievable, a lot of regret and resentment on both sides, yet she called me back.

there is something special about her, i cant believe this fucking happened. i wish either we just didnt get the chance to talk that day, when i was losing my goddamn mind, or i wish i would have just stayed in the dream. what the fuck is the point of waking up from that nightmare the day after we stop talking again? just in time to deal with the shame and regret of what i said to her, luckily i dont remember most of it, i could go back and read the texts but man i cant even stomach it.

it wasnt all the phenibut. my estrogen being out of control for a good four months or so played a part, but i have always struggled with anger issues. i definitely learned to manage it better in my mid twenties, to the point that i only really lost my temper a handful of times, when i was dating laura and that was pretty much it, but even that shocked me and filled me with shame. again though, a few incidents over the course of a decade is definitely progress. but the phenibut rage is its own fucking animal, maybe estrogen rage or a combo of the two i just dont know. i woke up furious, i was shouting from my room, they could hear me, all i could do was keep myself in my room but i was yelling so loud they could hear me for sure. they basically cleared out of the house. i was yelling at everyone, my grandpa even for god sake, he doesnt live with us, but i love my grandpa with all my heart, again caroline polachek from chairlift, etc.

i very briefly got a hold of myself, i think because skye had texted me or something, i quickly left my room to try to make ammends, i told my sister i hope she didnt hear any of what i was saying, i started to explain that it was just the phenibut withdrawal and she stopped me saying she knew, she had read quite extensively about it. early on in this thing, when i realized suddenly i was physically dependent on phenibut, just how much phenibut i was on, and what that meant for me, i was destroyed. my sister was the only person i could confide in, and she could see how scared i was. i knew that my behavior was about to become erratic to say the least, that our living situation wasnt well suited for what was going to happen, that it would make me feel crazy, make everyone think i was crazy, make us hate each other. frankly i was certain i wasnt going to make it this time, i had gotten myself in over my head. i also knew my behavior would make it nearly impossible for my family not to go to the system for help, but i knew from my own research that the system really cant help with high gram per day phenibut dependence. the end result would almost certainly be a medically induced coma, and intubation, the outcome of which we all knew from my mothers experience being put into a medically induced coma and contracting pneumococcal pneumonia was not a very good option. so she just read and read and read, because she loves me. my mom on the other hand shouted from the other room “is he being dangerous?” to which my sister responded “NO!” she said “im calling the cops” and suddenly the rage started coming back again. it was literally like static electricity crackling along my back and arms, all my hair stood on end, the hair on my head, the hair on my arms and legs, like a cat i guess. i told her to call them and id be ready for them when they got here, she picked up the phone and started dailing, i watched her, and then she put it down.

it was at this point that skye called me. i dont remember what exactly sparked it, to be honest, i think that phone conversation was pretty tame except for my energy.i remember shouting that i needed a cigarette in a demonic sounding voice before hanging up on her, i briefly remember asking her “what do i have?” because since that dude killed himself, and she was married in florida, the last ten years of my life have been a joke pretty much. and then i just destroyed my room, i needed to destroy something, i prayed literally for something to destroy, and i remembered that dresser i got from the super market and just started punching it, which was awesome because it was rigid plastic so it exploded into shards, very satisfying. i punched it into a million pieces. i threw the pieces, then proceeded to punch every framed piece of “art” in my room, chuck stuff around, basically throw a tantrum. i was not really myself here, i dont do this. ive literally only ever destroyed one thing in a fit of rage, and it was a portable cd player when i was like 13 and i regretted it immediately. i proceeded to text vile things to skye, the sweetest person ive ever known, eventually i fell asleep. when i woke up literally surrounded by debris, i still needed a cigarette and proceeded to just pick up where i left off, just kicking debris off my bed, throwing shit, its like i had fucking rabies. but i managed to roll a cigarette finally and that calmed me down IMMENSELY.

the next day, i took my usual dose of phenibut in order to continue tapering, i forget where we were at, but we started at thirty grams per day, which is fucking absurd, i cant find another example of anyone using that much phenibut for that long, but we got quite low. the dose hit me very weird, and i got “stuck on my bed” where i was standing on my matress, without any sense or consciousness i guess, for around seven hours. the clock on my laptop froze at 1:19 AM when i picked it up with one hand and crunched something internally, and when i came to my senses still standing on the bed, the birds were chirping and the sun was up. from that day, i couldnt really feel the phenibut at all anymore. no more cartoon vision, no more rage, no more waking up like a scared child, unable to recognize my own room or remember anything about my life. just nothing. this also correlated with the time my aromatase inhibitors arrived finally so my estrogen was being brought back into check. it was like waking up finally from a dream. to be honest, i despise it. i dont care about the shame, the regret, the people i hurt. if me and skye arent talking anymore, and the only time we talked in ten years was when i was at my absolute lowest and meanest, fuck it. i want back in the dream, or in the ground. i just cant handle that.

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for-the-love-of-life-lads · 4 years ago

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Progress Report

Weight 138.4lb

I did pretty good today. Workout was tough, kept intensity up during mid-day, but wasn’t able to get super intense during class. I had to coach again, which I don’t mind but I just wish I got to be more in the action. I did make the kids run wind sprints though and I got to do it with them. That was fun :D

Food was okay, I got essentially the same meals. Did do salmon and asparagus which was amazing. For water, I only got 4. I know, I suck but I just couldn’t help it. I knew I didn’t sweat nearly as much as I did last night, so I couldn’t force myself to do it.

I have done my abs workout every night though. I found a video that goes through a three week period and gives you different core exercises for every two days so far. I do them at night when I tell my parents I’m going to bed, then I do these progress reports. I just get any time really to myself where I can do anything I want/ need to do. My food is regulated by my parents, my workouts, my school work, there isn’t an aspect of my life that I have control of. So, I guess doing my core workouts and making these progress reports is kinds my “me time” that cut into my schedule for. I have been really worried that I won’t keep up with my core stuff the later I go into the week because I am exhausted by the time Friday rolls around. So, I am going to really committed to doing them again tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday. Also, I am a little worried about tomorrow. Fridays are always death days for any diets I commit to. I just go crazy and binge eating everything in sight. I really don’t want to do that. I might try and find some activities that will keep my out of the kitchen. I don’t know, maybe I could write a little? Maybe I could find some exercise to do? Maybe I could do my ALS portfolio or write a research paper for fun. I need to check back in with college stuff, so maybe I could do that outside or in my room. I don’t know, just something that will keep me from eating.

(Warning: suicide mentions, eating disorders, basically just me ranting so just skip this section)

Sorry I’m not as peppy tonight, it’s been a long day and I just get tired of always being in trouble. I didn’t do this right, or I’m missing something, or I forgot to do that. Honestly, I don’t understand it. I just get tired of always being wrong. I know that’s partly why I eat, I have so much anxiety all the time and then I get super depressed because it feels like I am going to be stuck here forever and then I want to kill myself. So, because it feels like nothing matters and I don’t have anything that makes me happy, I eat sweet stuff to get the endorphins easily. I wish I could like go for a run or something you know? Just listen to music and run the pain away a little. They talk about a “runners high” which would be a good, productive way to get the endorphins, but my parents wouldn’t let me, or I would have to be on the phone with them the whole time, or they would have to go with me (even though their the thing I’m trying to get away from). I have no place to go, I have nothing to do, so I do the only thing I know can make me happy for just a second which is eating. Honestly, this is why I am so ready for college. There, I could go for a run whenever I want. If I want to take a class about writing? Done. If I want to go to the library for a place to do my work. Boom! Im there! The idea that I could do core workouts before 9:00 pm at night and then type posts without worrying if the noises of my keyboard are going to be too loud and cause my parents to break in and yell at me just takes a lot of stress away. I think I wouldn’t be nearly as stressed as I am with my parents. I feel like I’m a mother taking care of three children’s mental health. To my parents credit, I have always had a house and food. I am super grateful for how they always physically provide for me. But when I feel like I am trying to mediate a off-and-on relationship couple for my parents who literally haven’t figured out how to grow up in the 18 years I’ve been alive it gets hard. When my dad isn’t happy, he wants me to fix it. When he’s mad at my mom? I have to fix it. When he wants to rough-house? I’m in trouble if I don’t want to play. I have to manage the diets to make sure he doesn’t throw everyone off because he wants to eat out. I have to set the alarms so that everyone gets to their workouts and appointments on time. When my mom is angry that she puts herself in this situation, I have to hear about how sucky her life is even though she is fully capable of being independent and leaving anytime she wants. Mean while, they both have forgotten their other daughter (my younger sister) for the last 15 years and I have had to essentially teach her how to grow up into a normal functioning adult. She needs to know that its okay to cry, but just make sure that get back to work after you’ve had a good cry. She has to know that she needs to be able to love herself and be able to be okay being by herself before she ever gets in a relationship. She needs to know how someone should treat her because she is a good person and so she deserves good treatment. She needs to know that the world isn’t going to chew her up and spit her out because she is stronger than she’ll ever know. She needs to learn how to be a self-starter, but also to know when you need to take care of yourself and take things slower. These are the things my baby sister needs to know, that I have to teach her because my parents have so many of their own mental issues that they are too busy to see her growing up unguided. I worry about her when I’m gone because whenever she gets sad, or overwhelmed all she can say is “what am I going to do without you?” and the truth is, I don’t have a good answer for her. I don’t trust that my parents can get their shit together enough to take care of her and help her grow into a mentally healthy individual. If not for her, I would have killed myself a long time ago. But all I could think about whenever I created my plan and chose a night, and wrote that note, was how I was leaving her without anyone who could help her grow up. I mean look at me? I have severe anxiety, depression, certainly low self-esteem, eating problems, trust issues, I’m super anti-social, and I am so messed up that I feel like I can’t do anything without constantly thinking about what a fuck-up I am. I don’t want her to end up like me. I want her to be able to at least live with herself by the time she’s 18.

So yeah, clearly I haven’t had the best day based on the fact I’m spilling my guts right now, so I am going to go to sleep and try again tomorrow.

See you guys soon!

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blackstarising · 7 years ago

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stranger things 2 thoughts under the cut:

okay, this season was good, so everything after this is just going to be details but the season overall was good. any roasting is meant to be more of a light grill or even a light toast, if you will

first of all, can they just mail noah schnapp his emmy early? because that boy literally did the Most™. honestly, i don’t believe i’ve ever seen a child actor come full force the way he did. seeing will suffer onscreen was incredibly heartbreaking and noah definitely brought that depth to his role.

the soundtrack, the bush and mandale signs, the arcades, the clothing, the houses, all 80s, all wonderful.

i think the duffer brothers are trying to actually kill me bc not only do we get hopper but we got hopper in flannel doing dad thing and i am left here very thirsty and very distressed rip i brought this on myself

tbh i forgot that hopper even had a daughter until the fifth episode, because everything he was doing looked so natural

and i know there’s some Discourse brewing about jane (i’m going to call her jane consistently from now on, she deserves to be called by her real name) and hopper’s relationship, especially their fight mid-season, so i’ll throw my proverbial hat into the Discourse Ring

i’m not going to excuse hopper, actually, and i’ll even confess that as a binch with anxiety who hates yelling, i had to turn down the volume of my computer and read the subtitles at one point because it really messes with me

definitely, threatening to turn jane back over to the authorities was wrong, and a new low. but i also saw that it was very much anger born of worry. like, parents get angry, and he had a reason to, because you could see that he was watching his daughter willingly put herself in danger, and it’s not like she’s unaware of the consequences

that being said, i don’t blame jane for leaving. you could see she was starting to match the whole experience to her time in the lab with papa and the fact that she was counting the days. damn

so in the end, they both acted shitty, but they both owned up to that and apologized. and i think david and millie did a really good job in really portraying a realistic father-daughter relationship. it’s not always cute, fluffy, one-shot, material, it’s messy and screamy and painful sometimes.

but ohmygoodness their relationship hurts so good the bedtime stories the waffles the halloween candy sorry i need a mome-

max!!!!!! i!!!! love!!!!! max!!!!!! ever since i learned what internalized misogyny was, i’ve been a bit wary of tomboy characters. but max didn’t play into those stereotypes at all, which is super refreshing. she was very content to be who she was, but she didn’t need to denigrate other girls to do so!!!!!! and it’s just good!!!!!!!

(also the fact that the boys didn’t question that max beat their high score. also good, also pure, beautiful, beautiful)

[suddenly wearing a mourning veil] okay we need to talk about bob. right now.

i was one of the people who was suspicious of him (not because of shipping reasons, but the show makes you a little on edge, you know?) so i definitely squinted at everything he did but like he was so sweet and supportive of joyce and the boys and he didn’t like overstep his bounds but the way he tried to encourage will was so sweet and and and he’s just working at radio shack and he checks in on joyce to eat lunch with her and make out in the supply closet [hyperventilates a little] and and and the slow dancing in his halloween costume and he knows BASIC [is practically sobbing at this point] and he loves the byers and he died so that they could be happy and he’s a superherO AND I WOULD DIE FOR HIM AND SEAN ASTIN HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO MEEE-

also when he’s talking about how he grew out of getting bullied and “I get to date Joyce Byers!” i get so close to tearing up every time you have no idea

i love how we get development for the rest of the party’s families, and barb’s families too. especially lucas’ sister, a gem, an icon™

and just!!!! lucas!!!!!! i really love how he’s the straight man of the group, but you can tell he’s matured over the year that’s past (also that voice drop, i see you caleb)

and lucas and max is now the only relevant ship on this show im sorry i dont make the rules

dustin is so sweet and big hearted and i really loved seeing more of his depth. tbh i may or may not have started projecting a little especially at the last ep when no one would dance with him!!!! but it’s so hard when you’re so loving and no one returns it in the way you’d want it to!!!! and the fact that he was even willing to love and protect a demon from another dimension dustin please don’t let the world rob you of your sweetness

i was crying about noah earlier but finn also basically killed it this season. you could tell that mike was Depressed with a Capital D and even though he didn’t get as much screen time as he did last season, every scene he did have was Quality,

especially the scene when he was talking about how he and will became friends and those TEARS FINN JUST DRIVE TO MY HOUSE AND STAB ME MYSELF

i really loved watching jane grow and come into her own this season! you can tell that she’s very aware of her power, but there’s that internal struggle about how to use it, which made the final battle that much more poignant.

terry’s backstory was immensely heartbreaking, i don’t have much left to say about it

i really did love kali, though! the detour from hawkins was a bit unexpected, but i love that world building aspect and im really intrigued about kali’s backstory and also her...front story? damn i hope she’s in season three because there’s so much more tea left.

and like....what about 1-7, 9, 10? are they still alive [insert eyes emoji here]

i’m going to be Agressively Heterosexual and agree that billy is pretty™ but at the same time i’m super worried that he’s going to be woobified because he is abusive, and i’m 95% sure he’s racist. so yeah i really hope that doesn’t happen but it probably will [sips wine tiredly]

STEVEN, MY MANS. the development that started last season really paid off here! tbh even i felt hurt when he asked nancy “you don’t love me?” like this binch has got feelings! and he’s not perfect but he’s a lot more genuine than i gave him credit for and the fact that he babysits kids and calls them shitheads but also lets himself get his ass beat for them. oh steve, keep growing but never change.

okay, nitpick and potential unpopular opinion, but i kind of hated the jancy development in this season

because there really wasn’t any, i don’t know, and this is really shitty of me for all my campaigning last year, but it just felt very cheap and superficial

like nancy and steve break up very early in the season, conveniently

and then when they’re at conspiracy guy’s house it just felt too explicit, too heavy handed and cliche, like Conspiracy Guy is basically spelling out their relationship to the audience

and then they do the thing where they just....have sex, and maybe it’s because i’m wearing my grey-ace hat, but like, honestly, two characters having sex doesn’t mean shit, anymore, okay?

its mostly because of hookup culture imo

so jonathan and nancy have sex, but there’s no confession of feelings or anything, so it just feels like a cheap way to show the audience THEY’RE TOGETHER NOW ARE YOU HAPPY

and then they don’t really interact as much in that context for the rest of the season, so it’s left kind of ambiguous

and i understand that it’s a 9 episode season and this is more of a C plot, but i think i would have rather had a slow burn throughout the 9 episodes [cough] like last season [cough] with a more affectionate moment at the end than just break up, nancy’s free, SEX, done

it’s not a very emotionally gratifying narrative as it is

second nitpick: tbh the final battle of this season felt a little too note for note to the final battle of the first season, and it felt repetitive at times, so i admit i kind of lost interest in the middle of episode 9

i really thought the “watering the story down” to get JusticeForBarb™ was really clever

and just....joyce. i’ll never get over joyce. i have no complaints, she’s a mom who punches back and she’s tenacious and good hearted and amazing and she raised two amazing boys

i don’t know i need a nap

#stranger things #stranger things 2 #stranger things spoilers #also like comment and stuff im bored talk to me

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highbuttonsports · 5 years ago

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HB journey - Through the eyes of the idiot behind the camera.

Whats up, CrushDouder checking in. Going to give this blogging shit a try. I always seem to find myself in disputes or deep conversations with people and giving my opinion on things, so I figure I mid as well put it down for others to read. Before I get into the nitty gritty I’m just gonna give a little insight on my journey so far with the High Button. I’ll probably ramble on but that’s what happens when ya try and write a blog after a little electric lettuce! Up, up & away!

STOP! I know what you’re thinking “Douds is an idiot”. You’re not a hundred percent wrong, I'll be the first to admit that. With that being said, hopefully you’ll be pleasantly surprised after reading this that you’ll think, shit, I enjoyed that! Maybe he’s got a little more going on up top than I thought….If not, I really don’t give a shit hahaha.

I’ll first start off by thanking Belly for allowing me to be apart of the High Button. Listen… If you were to tell me a year ago that this year we were going to be working Red Bull Crashed Ice as a media company, at fucking Fenway Pahk…. You kidding me? Or that we would be media credentialed at the Telus Cup in Thunder Bay or better yet the god damn Memorial Cup in our great city of Halifax, doing bench interviews during warm-up (even though we weren’t supposed to.) I would have laughed in your face, seriously. I’ve lived in Halifax my whole life and not once, did I get to sit in the press box for a game. Not even as a healthy scratch hahaha. I don’t care who you are, that is a special moment in your life. Especially an ex hockey player, who just didn’t quite make it! Almost makes you feel like a kid again.

It's funny ya know, how you end up down paths in life that had originally never been thought of. A couple years ago, I was driving a 5 tone truck slangin’ pallets all over the city. I was content enough doing that work as it paid pretty well, and it was something different everyday. After I left that job due to something I considered unfair treatment and unprofessionalism at its finest. Imagine that.. Douds thinking something was unprofessional. Do I even know what unprofessional is? Thats how bad it was, believe me.

So I’m in a rut y’know, standard shit for ol’ Douder, back on the job hunt once again. I felt like I was at that period in my life that you consider like, the cross-roads or something stupid like that. So I’m like; “What am I gonna do for the rest of my life” kinda thing. I’ll be honest with you guys, that thought never really lasted long in my head. My give-a-fuck level is pretty low, too low in some people’s mind I bet but it’s just my way of dealing with things and not sweating the small shit. Blah blah blah.

I don’t know if Belly knew I wasn’t working or maybe it was just a known thing that I wasn’t. Maybe he was just so desperate, he dug to the bottom of the barrel. Either way, who cares. He asked me to come on the podcast as a guest. What a great move by him wha?? I consider myself to be non-filter, so why not have me on to stir the pot a little eh. Ive made a ton of friends over the years through sports and I think that helped in a sense as well. Anywho, I end becoming the co-host on the podcast and then the camera guy…Let me pause you for a second here. Being the camera guy is not as easy as I thought, I figured oh ya, turn it on, zoom in and out and Bobs your uncle (or Aunt)….Wrong. There is a certain anticipation you have to have, a certain creative eye if you will. Don’t get me wrong you don’t need 13 years of secondary education to run a camera, just wasn’t as easy as I thought.

Like I mentioned earlier, its funny where life takes ya sometimes…

Fast forward a bit into the High Button. The first couple months were crazy, we didn’t know what we were doing. We had tons of podcast guests that summer, I mean Christ, were just over a year into this and we're up over 200 episodes. Thats some impressive shit I don’t care who you are. It honestly takes a while to really figure out what you’re good at as a company and finding what the viewers will like as well. And I think we're well on our way.

So, the fellas are in their groove and everything seems to be moving smoothly but I just wasn’t happy with my lack of knowledge in the industry, so what do I do? I apply to take a Media & Communications course at NSCC and wouldn’t ya know it…. I get in. Twenty-seven year old freshmen. Has a nice ring to er wha?! Here’s the thing, sometimes ya make decisions that may be out of your comfort zone, but how else are you going to grow as a human being?? So fuck it, I did it! I won’t get too much into the school stuff as that’s not my bread and butter. Plus, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would. There I said it…

What I do want to mention though is how fun this process has been so far. And how it has helped me kind of find a sense of what I want to do with my life or maybe just created a new found confidence in myself, either way, I’m gonna roll with it. This has enabled Belanger and I to stay close to the game we both devoted our lives to. It allows us to really cherish and celebrate everything the Maritimes has to offer. It allows us to go down new, different avenues and learn new skills and branch out into new sports, new cultures that kinda shit!

Im looking forward to the path ahead with HB. The ups and downs and the successes. The spontaneous road trips to the days sitting in Belanger’s basement contemplating whether or not this is going to work. I truly enjoy it and I know for sure Belly does too. When you enjoy something enough the passion and commitment almost comes naturally. Maybe that’s just me, I don’t know. One thing I do know for sure is that if this ships sinks (which it won’t) it won’t be for lack of effort or caring. If everyone could see the amount of effort and not to mention, time put into this by not just me but especially Belly. I’m sure most of you would be a little shocked. I know I certainly was at the beginning!

Last thing I’ll touch on. Shout out to all the people who believe in us and continuously like, share, watch and god forbid converse with another human being about. (old school I know) Thank you. To the guests who’ve given us a couple hours of their time and allowed us into their world and allowed us to help them share their stories for the people to hear. Thank you.

Special shoutout to every member of the 2018-2019 Halifax Macs team for allowing us to be apart of your journey with your sons this year. Your guys’ support has been unbelievable from the beginning and has allowed us to pursue another lane of this media world! Thank you.

Keep supporting the High Button and we will continue to support you!

Cheers,

Douds

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